Marriage resources

Suggested Reading

• Alberti, Robert E. and Michael L. Emmons.  Your Perfect Right.  San Luis Obispo, CA:  Impact Publishers, 1982.  Assertiveness.
• Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Confront.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1982.  Excellent for dealing with problems rather than avoiding them.
• Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Forgive; Caring Enough to Not Forgive.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1981.  Excellent balanced approach to forgiveness.
• Augsburger, David.  When Caring in Not Enough.  Ventura, CA:  Regal Books, 1984.  Good basic information.
• Augsburger, David.  Caring Enough to Hear.  Ventura, CA:  GL Publications, 1982.  Excellent look at communications emphasizing both aspects:  listening andspeaking.
• Backus, William.  Telling Yourself the Truth.  Minneapolis, MN:  Bethany House, 1980.  Helps persons face hard truths in life with hope.
• Baer, Jean.  How to Be an Assertive (Not Aggressive) Woman in Life, Love, and on the Job:  A Total Guide to Self-Assertiveness.  New York, NY:  Rawson Associates Publishers, 1976.  Assertiveness.
• Beattie, Melody.  Codependent No More.  New York:  Harper & Row, 1987.  Excellent book on the over-responsibility many learned while growing up.
• Bete Books, Channing L. Bete Co., Scriptographic Books on marriage, alcoholism, co-dependency, etc.  Quick, easy references on a variety of topics.
• Bloomfield, Harold H.  Making Peace with Your Parents.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1983.  An attempt to help grown children reconcile with their parents.
• Bower, Sharon and Gordon Zauer.  Asserting Yourself:  A Practical Guide for Positive Action.  Reading, MA:  Addison-Wesley, 1976.  Assertiveness.
• Brady, Loretta, and John Powell.  Will the Real Me Please Stand Up?  Allen, TX:  Tabor Publishing, 1985.  Excellent book on communications and basic respect and dignity.
• Bradshaw, John. The Family:  A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery. Pompano Beach, FL:  Health Communications, Inc., 1998. For childhood issues.
• Brandt,David.  Is That All There Is?  Grand Rapids, MI:  Fleming H. Revell,2000. Expectations.
• Bray, James H. and John Kelly.  Stepfamlies.  New York:  Broadway Books, 11998. Excellent treatment of the pitfalls of and solutions for stepfamilies.
• Brothers, Joyce.  What Every Woman Should Know About Men.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1981.  Deals with gender differences.
• Bry, Adelaide.  How to Get Angry Without Feeling Guilty.  New York, NY:  Signet, 1976.  An analysis of anger and how to handle it constructively.
• Carroll, Anne Kristin.  Together Forever.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan Publishing House, 1972. Autobiography of a woman who “saved” her marriage.
• Cedar, Paul A.  7 Keys to Maximum Communication.  Wheaton, IL:  Tyndale House, 1980.  Communication skills.
• Chapman, Gary.  Hope for the Separated.  Chicago, MA:  Moody Press, 1977.  Helpful guide to couples who are separated but would like to open communications and perhaps reconcile.
• Chapman, Gary D.  The Five Love Languages. Chicago:  Northfield Pub, 1995. Excellent book for understanding you and your spouse better.  (There is also a men’s edition.)
• Cherry, Debbie L.  Childproofing Your Marriage.  Colorado Springs, CO:  Navpress, 2003. Helping couples balance the marriage and children.
• Clark, Jean Illsley.  Growing Up Again:  Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children.  Center City: Hazelden, 1989. A classic and powerful book about how to overcome negatives from our past.
• Cloud, Henry and John Townsend.  Boundaries in Marriage.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan, 1999.  Excellent book for understanding “the right to space and privacy.”
• Coleman, Joshua.  Imperfect Harmony: How to Stay Married for the Sake of Your Children and Still Be Happy. New York: St. Martin’s Press, 2003. Helpful for struggling couples dealing with difficult realities.
• Conway, Sally.  Your Husband’s Midlife Crisis.  Elgin, IL:  David C. Cook Publishing Co., 1987.  The husband at midlife.
• Covey,Stephen R.  The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People:  Restoring the Character Ethic. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1989. Great book for people who are trying to be more responsible.
• Dobson, James C.  Love Must Be Tough.  Waco, TX:  Focus on the Family Publishing, 1983.  Excellent book strongly recommended for those “left behind” in separation or affairs.
• Dobson, James C.  Straight Talk to Men and Their Wives.  Waco, TX:  Proven Word, 1984.  Understanding gender differences.
• De Angelis, Barbara.  How to Make Love All the Time.  New York, NY:   Dell Publishers, 1988.  Excellent book on communications as a pre-requisite to the bedroom.  Also sex information.
• Durkin, Mary G.  Making Your Family Work.  Chicago, IL:  Thomas More Press, 1988.  Family guidelines.
• Dyer, Wayne W.  Pulling Your Own Strings.  New York, NY:  Funk & Wagnall, Thomas Y. Crowell Co., 1978.   Assertiveness.
• Ellis, Albert and Robert A. Harper.  A New Guide to Rational Living.  Hollywood, CA:  Wilshire Book Company, 1975.  Helps persons think more clearly about their circumstances.
• Emmons, Michael.  The Assertive Christian.  Minneapolis, MN:  Winston Press, Inc., 1981.  Assertiveness.
• Fensterheim, Herbert and Jean Baer.  Don’t Say Yes When Your Want to Say No.  New York, NY:  McKay, 1975.  Assertiveness.
• Field, David.  Marriage Personalities.  Eugene, OR:  Harvest House Publishers, 1986.  Discusses roles and patterns in marriage.
• Fisher, Roger.  Getting to Yes.  New York, NY:  Viking-Penguin Books, 1983.  Excellent book on negotiating and compromise.
• Frank, Don and Jan Frank.  Unclaimed Baggage.  Colorado Springs, CO: Navpress, 2003.  Childhood issues.
• Galassi, Merna Dee and John P. Galassi.  Assert Yourself:  How to be Your Own Person.  New York:  Human Sciences Press, 1977.  Assertiveness.
• Ghezzi, Bert.  The Angry Christian.  Ann Arbor, MI: Servant Books, 1980.  Attempts to develop a Christian view of anger.
• Glass, Shirley and Jean Cappock Stacheli.  NOT ”Just Friends”. New York:  Free Press, 2003. the most complete book on affairs, both prevention and recovery.
• Gottman, John M.and Nan Silver.  Why Marriages Succeed or Fail and How You Can Make Yours Last.  New York:  Simon and Schuster, 1995. Based on excellent research and focusing on respect.
• Gonolf, Edward W. and David M. Russell.  Man to Man: A guide for Men in Abusive Relationships. Bradenton, FL: Human Services Institute Inc., 1987.  Excellent small book for men who want to understand and change their abusiveness.
• Gray, John.  Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. New York: Harper Collins,1992. Stereotypical but still rings true to many of our couples.
• Harley, Willard F.  His Needs,Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.Grand Rapids, MI:  Fleming H.  Revell, 2000.  A re-issued classic full of wisdom and common sense. (Not really about affairs.)
• Harley, Willard and Jennifer Harley Chalmers. Surviving an Affair.Excellent, balanced advice for couples facing an affair.
• Harris, Thomas A.  I’m OK, You’re OK.  New York, NY:  Harper & Row, 1969.  Popular transactional analysis book.  Very good insights for relationships.
• Hendrix, Harville.  Getting the Love Your Want.  New York:  Henry Holt & Company, 1988.  Excellent and innovative book on dealing with the impact of childhood on marriage.  Part I is rather scholarly; Part II contains some wonderful exercises.
• International Marriage Encounter, Inc.  “The Challenge of Understanding Yourself:  Searching for the Real You.”  St. Paul, MN:  International Marriage Encounter, Inc., 1986.  Helpful material on childhood’s impact on adulthood.
• Jabubowski, Patricia and Arthur J. Lange.  The Assertive Option:  Your Rights and Responsibilities.  Champaign, IL:  Research Press, 1978.  Assertiveness.
• Jenkins, N.H,; S.M Stanley; W.C. Bailey, H.J. Markman.  You Paid How Much For That? How to Win at Money without Losing at Love.  Colorado Springs, CO:  Cook Communications, 2004.  Money.
• Jourard, Sidney M.  “Marriage is For Life,” Journal of Marriage and Family Counseling, July 1975.  Insightful look at communication in marriage.
• Kiley, Dan.  What to Do If He Won’t Change: Getting What You Need from the Man You Love. New York:  Fawcett Crest, 1988. Teaches wives how to change themselves to help their marriage.
• Knuckey, Deborah.  Conscious Spending for Couples:  Seven Skills for Financial Harmony.  New York: Wilson,2002. Money.
• Kroeger, Otto and Janet M. Thuesen.  Sixteen Ways to Love Your Lover.  New York:  Delcorte Press, 1994.   Using the 16 Myers Briggs type combinations the authors suggest strategies for dealing with couple differences.
• Lasswell, Marcia and Norman M. Lobsenz.  No-Fault Marriage.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1976.  Very good, common sense, down-to-earth approach  to many marital difficulties.
• Littauer, Florence.  Blow Away the Black Clouds.  Eugene, OR:  Harvest House Publishers, 1979.  Depression.
• Lerner, Harriet Goldhor.  The Dance of Anger.  New York:  Harper & Row Publishers, 1985.  Excellent book on anger and also communications.
• Lerner, Harriet Godhor.  The Dance of Connection:  How to Talk to Someone When You’re Mad, Hurt, Scared, Frustrated, Insulted, Betrayed or Desperate.  New York:  Quill, 2002. Difficult communication.
• Levinson, Daniel J.  The Seasons of a Man’s Life.  New York:  Ballantine Books, 1978.  Insights into men at various ages.
• Linn, Dennis and Matthew.  Healing Life’s Hurts.  New York, NY:  Paulist Press, 1978.  Forgiveness.
• Markman, Howard; Scott Stanley and Susan L. Blumberg.  Fighting for Your Marriage:  Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Preserving a Lasting Love. San Francisco:  Jossey-Bass, 2001.

  Good basic skills, based on solid research.

• Mayhall, Jack and Carole Mayhall.  Opposites Attack:  Turning Your Differences into Opportunities. Colorado Springs, Co:  Navpress 1990. Personality.
• Mc Graw, Phillip. Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters. New York:  Hyperion Books, 19999. Responsibility.
• Mc Graw, Phillip.  Relationship Rescue:  A Seven Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner.  Thorndike, ME:  G. K. Hall, 2000. Commonsense, self-inventory book for improving your relationship.
• Medred, Diane.  The Case Against Divorce.  New York:  Donald I. Fine, Inc., 1989.  Impressive collection of research on the fact that divorce is not a quick and easy solution to marital problems.
• Nelson, James B.  The Intimate Connection.  Philadelphia, PA:  The Westminster Press, 1988.  A look at a person’s ability to trust and be intimate based on childhood factors.
• Nolen, William A.  Crisis Time!  New York: Dod, Mead, & Company, 1984.  Men at midlife.
• Norwood, Robin.  Women Who Love Too Much.  New York, NY:  Pocket Books, 1986.  Excellent book for women (and men) who are co-dependent, battered, used, abused.
• Palmer, Helen.  The Enneagram:  Understanding Yourself and The Others in Your Life.  San Francisco: Harper Collins, 1991.  Personality.
• Paul, Jordan and Margaret.  Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved By You?  Minneapolis, MN:  Compcare Publishers, 1983.  Excellent discussion of self-esteem and power struggle issues in marriage.
• Petersen, J. Allan.  The Myth of the Greener Grass.  Wheaton, IL:  Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 1983.  Very helpful book especially for those suffering from (or contemplating) affairs.
• Pittman, Frank.  Grow Up!  How Taking Responsibility Can Make You a Happy Adult. New York:  St. Martin’s Griffin, 1999. Responsibility.
• Pittman, Frank.  Private Lies.  New York:  W.M. Norton & Company, 1989.  It is the deception even more than the sexual encounter that makes affairs so devastating, so says Pittman.
• Power, Thomas A.  A Family Matters.  Meredith, NH:  Hathaway Press, 1989.  A layman’s guide to the family systems model.
• Riso, Don Richard.  Understanding the Enneagram:  The Practical Guide to Personality Types. Boston:  Houghton Mifflin Company, 1990. Personality.
• Rogers, Carl R.  Becoming Partners.  La Jolla, CA:  Delta Books, 1972.  Results of research into the main components of a healthy marriage/relationship.
• Smalley, Gary and John Trent.  The Gift of Honor.  Nashville, TN:  Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982.  Discusses the impact of fathers on their grown children and what to do about painful father relationships.
• Smalley, Gary.  The Key to Your Child’s Heart.  Waco, TX:  Word Books, 1984.  Communication and forgiveness techniques which are good not only with children but with spouses as well.
• Smalley, Gary and John Trent.  The Language of Love.  Pomana, CA:  Focus on the Family, 1988. Use of word pictures as a communication tool.
• Smith, Manuel.  When I Say No I Feel Guilty.  New York, NY:  Dial Press, 1975.  Excellent book with many insights into assertiveness.
• Stanley, Scott.  The Power of Commitment.  San Francisco: Jossey- Bass, 2005. Insightful, well-documented look at the value of commitment.
• Svets, Paul W.  The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen.  Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey:  Prentice-Hall, 1983. Communication.
• Tally, Jim.  Reconcilable Differences.  Nashville, TN:  Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1982.  Excellent book for any couple who might want to “try again.”
• Tannen, Deborah.  You Just Don’t Understand: Men and Women in Conversation.  New York: Harper Collins Publishers, 1990. Communication.
• Tavris, Carol.  Anger.  New York:  Simon & Schuster, Inc., 1982.  In-depth look at anger and its many facets.
• Viscott, David.  How to Live With Another Person.  New York, NY:  Pocket Books, 1974.  Gentle look at marriage/relationships.
• Viscott, David.  Risking.  New York, NY:  Simon & Schuster, 1977.  Very helpful analysis of why, when, and how to risk/trust.
• Wallerstein, Judith; Julia Lewis and Sandra Blakeslee.  The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce: A 25 Year Landmark Study. New York: Hyperion, 2001.  Compelling evidence for the negative effects of divorce on children.
• Weiner-Davis, Michele.  The Sex-Starved Marriage. London:  Simon and Schuster, 2004. Commonsense sex advice.
• Wheat, Ed.  How to Save Your Marriage Alone.  Grand Rapids, MI:  Zondervan Publishing House, 1983.  Small book with advice for the separated.
• Williams, Pat and Jill.  Rekindled.  Old Tappan, NJ:  Revell Publishing, 1985.  Autobiographical story of one couple’s triumph over marital difficulties.
• Woititz, Janet Geringer.   Adult Children of Alcoholics. Popano Beach, FL: 1983. Excellent book for adult children of alcoholic parents.
• Woititz, Janet G.  Struggle for Intimacy.  Deerfield Beach, FL:  Health Communications, Inc., 1985.  A look at the issues of trust, intimacy, and communication, particularly from the perspective of those from dysfunctional homes.
• Wright, H. Norman.  Making Peace With Your Partner.  Dallas, TX:  Word Publishing, 1971.  Layman suggestions on improving communication and relations with partner.